Junie B. Jones, First Grader
Learn to speak like Junie B. with dramaturg Catherine Smyka:
I’ve discovered my six-year-old Doppelganger: Junie Beatrice Jones. Junie B. and I shared similar adventures in our respective youths, liked and disliked similar foods, and even carried the same taste in fashion (truth: I’m a little bit jealous of her dinosaur sweater). But more than that, we shared a similar vocabulary.
Junie B. and I both love language. We love the feel of new words and the sound of alliteration. Plus, we share a love-hate relationship with adverbs.
To speak just like Junie B. is simple. Follow these five easy steps:
1) Use excessive exclamation points.
A quiet greeting can be made joyful with just a half dozen extra pieces of punctuation. For example: you could say, “Hello. How are you? That sounds good.”
Or you could say, “Hello!! How are you! That sounds good!!!”
Much better.
2) Turn a very long explanation into a short phrase.
Who has the time to explain the back-story of everything? Why not just insert a brief saying? For example, you might say, “I had a really, really awesome trip to the mall where I bought lots of things and maxed out my credit cards twice and then shoved all the bags into the trunk of the car and now my arms hurt.”
Or you might say, “Errands is the grown-up word for going to too many stores to buy stuff for too much money.”
3) Make up words.
Junie B. spends a lot of time with her beloved dictionary, which is a great educational tool. But sometimes, she just wants to say what she means. Who cares if it isn’t actually a word? It should be a word, I tell you!
For example, someone might be wearing a red sweater. But it’s not actually red. It’s just kinda red. Therefore, it is redish. Boom.
4) Be vocal about how emotions affect you and your friends.
Kindergarten is hard! So is life! Junie B. doesn’t have time to figure out exactly how to say “something is beyond frustration for her classmate.” Instead she might say, “Jose has frustration in him.” Well, he does!
5) Express emergencies!
If you are trying to find the bathroom because you really have to go, and then you finally do but the door is locked, what do you do? Do what your mother taught you and call for help! For Junie B., she usually relies on shouting the phrase, “Call 911!” That seems to work most of the time.
Now take these simple tips and apply them to your own life and look! You’ll be talking like Junie B. Jones in no time.
Junie B. Jones in Jingle Bells, Batman Smells plays at the Apollo Theater through January 8th. To learn more, visit our website.
The Yellow Brick Road 